| fuq da haters |
[Jul. 5th, 2009|11:13 am] |
It's kind of bittersweet, kind of yucky when you realize that a person who you thought was so great isn't really. that you just put them on this huge pedestal but that's all it was, just an imaginary elevation. I feel like maybe I told myself these stories because I kind of needed it. but I ignored all the not-so-great things and so when I was finally able to wipe away the lens I was almost embarrassed by how much the real person failed to live up to my fantasy. I guess I used the fantasy to fill up some kind of hole, but at least I realized it. (yes, I know this is intentionally vague.)
In the same way it's also kind of heartbreaking to realize that a person whom you put a lot of energy and affection into maybe didn't deserve it. that there were some good things but in the end the bad outweighed the good. it can be so hard to know, though, how to measure those things, how to determine whether someone is worth it or not.
Also, I've been stuck in this kind of limbo so I've been thinking about the future a lot. one thing I know, that I've known for a long time, is that I really want to succeed in whatever I do. It's a drive I have. and if not succeed in the traditional sense, at least feel happy and true to myself in whatever I'm doing. this desire is mostly for personal satisfaction and self-expression, but there's also a large part of me that feels this need because I feel that if I succeed, in whatever way, I'll have proven something to anyone who ever doubted me or thought I was weird or who thought they were better than me. I know that's a pretty poor motivation, but it does drive me. I guess I am partly just a bitter bitch. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Mar. 25th, 2009|11:45 pm] |
i have no ambitions | ellen kennedy
i don't want to hate the president
i don't want to go to harvard
i don't want to win the pulitzer prize
i just want to sit in my bathtub
and think about relationships i will never have
with people i will never meet
and then go lay in my bed
with a magnifying glass
and count all the stiches in my sheets
until i fall asleep
and wake up
to repeat again. |
|
|
| eee |
[Mar. 13th, 2009|08:13 pm] |
It has been reported that some victims of torture, during the act, would retreat into a fantasy world from which they could not wake up.
In this catatonic state, the victim lived in a world just like their normal one, except they weren’t being tortured.
The only way that they realized they needed to wake up was a note they found in their fantasy world.
It would tell them about their condition, and tell them to wake up.
Even then, it would often take months until they were ready to discard their fantasy world and
please wake up |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Mar. 5th, 2009|08:05 pm] |
|
I've recently started watching 30 Rock and I love it, it's so funny. I really love Alec Baldwin's character on there, he and Liz Lemon have such great chemistry. I've actually been having dreams about Alec Baldwin/Jack Donaghy lately. There's something sooo attractive about him, his arrogant attitude with a little bit of sweetness thrown in. And he's really physically attractive too. It's kind of a weird crush, though. |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
nonbeast's journal